The President's Penis is Missing Lyrics

Artist: Drive-By Truckers
Album: Pizza Deliverance

(NEWS FLASH!!!)

(scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson
begins to speak:)

€œThey looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
Has anyone seen the President€™s penis?€?

€œIt ain€™t in the Congress or Judiciary
It ain€™t in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
Has anyone seen the President€™s penis?€?

(now the entire press corp. erupts in song:)
€œTHE PRESIDENT€™S PENIS IS MISSING OLE€™!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY
LORD, WON€™T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT€™S PENIS?€?

(at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to
add his commentary:)
€œNow Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
in the 80€™s we elected one missing his brain
George Washington caught a cold he couldn€™t explain
and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson€™s name€?

(suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an
Orson Welles type voice:)
€œFranklin D. Roosevelt wasn€™t no square
with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn€™t care
and John Kennedy€™s penis was seen everywhere€?

(once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:)
€œTHE PRESIDENT€™S PENIS IS MISSING OLE€™!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY
LORD WON€™T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT€™S PENIS?€?

(the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:)
€œThem outer space people would laugh if they€™d seen us
all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus
meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
but we€™re more concerned with the President€™s penis€?

THE END?
lyrics by Patterson Hood

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